im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I deserve this hangover.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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