I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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