He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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