6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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