Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
