I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize