Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
