i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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