you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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