you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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