so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
