How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
