you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
