no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
