Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
