genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
