Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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