he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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