Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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