He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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