A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
