I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
