shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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