My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
