So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
