Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
