look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
