He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you had me at cake vodka
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
