That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
