He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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