By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
