i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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