The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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