I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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