my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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