My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
