Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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