I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
