woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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