Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Your cock deserves a montage
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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