yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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