There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
