Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I wish there were birth control emojis
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
