sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
