found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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