Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We had sex on a dog bed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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