What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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