Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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