If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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