Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
