She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
