You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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