guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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