so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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