the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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