My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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