I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
