you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
