He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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