Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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