guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dick very happy bro
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
