No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
