the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
