Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
