I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
