This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
