The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
